Pulp Football Deprivation
Me and Clay Matthews went to high school together. Okay, so he was 3 years old when I graduated high school but we did both attend Agoura High School, just 15 years apart. I hope he stays healthy this year so he can continue to haunt the dreams of those pesky Bears fans.
And this:
And this:
It’s like we’re brothers! And it would be weird to ask your brother to sign your t-shirt or cap or jacket or blanket or socks or signs in The Garage or “season tickets waiting list letter” and stuff like that, right? BUT… I don’t think it would be weird for my kids to want an autograph from their “uncle”. Yeah! YEAH! My *kids* need this Clay Maker shirt autographed because they’d love to see me wearing it. Clay, if you’re listening, do it for the kids. The kids!
Obviously I’m getting delirious during these dark times of dragons and Sauron and no football. The draft is like a mirage in the desert after several days of no water and it tortures the mind. I want to believe football season will be here again but hope is waning at a near-fatal clip and I fear even the recordings of last year’s season will soon fail to provide the sustenance required for basic life support.
As the Green Bay Christmas Ornament Gnomes start to wink at me I begin to wonder if I’m in heaven or Iowa. Why does my Packers 2013 calendar show a player who recently agreed to wear purple? Am I entombed in some abandoned carnival haunted house? 42 appears to be the only answer I’m able to compute.
I hear the sounds of helicopters; Help must be on the way. But are they in time? If I don’t pull through, please bury me in my Packers zip-up hoodie and transfer my one Packers share to my daughter… she’ll know what to do with it.