Cactus Diaries
I have a few stories involving cactus but I’ve never memorialized them here. That behavior ends today because I know my memory is failing and I’ll need something funny to read in my sunset years. Let’s face it, “cactus stories” are always funny as long as you aren’t the unlucky starring character.
My oldest brother brought his kids down last night so the cousins could play and our plan was to go hiking in the hills around my place today. I’ve taken Ben and Abby on separate excursions in the recent past and they were eager to show their cousins all about “the wilderness”. Normally I’ll pack the gear but I didn’t this time and that came back to bite me later. Ironically we had more stuff you’re “supposed” to bring than what I usually take (first aid kit, for example) but the one piece I didn’t have was my Leatherman and in this case it would have useful. Thankfully I had my trusty Cold Steel pocket knife and that worked okay. If you’re a male and don’t carry a pocket knife or something similar you’re a pussy. ‘Nuf said.
Shortening the story a bit… We passed the first ridge and the boys took off, bounding over and through the brush. I warned them all to look out for cactus but they absorbed that about as much as I would have when I was a single-digit-aged boy. They got 75 yards or so in front of the rest of us when Ben and Luc started yelling that Kevin (the Kevinator!) got some cactus in his leg. Joe and I figured he had *a* needle in his leg so we moved from walking to a slightly faster pace but no real sense of urgency. When we got closer we got to see the real deal. Kev must have been running when he hit the cactus because there were 15+ needles stuck in his leg supporting the large actual piece of cactus hanging off his leg. Those are painful no matter how old you are but at 7 years old it’s like medieval torture.
Joe did all the right “dad things” trying to calm his boy and making a first attempt to pull that sucker off him (getting stuck in the process) but ultimately it worked in our favor to have us both there because Joe could console while I played with the needles. Eventually I took out my trusty knife and cut the needles at the cactus so he didn’t have the weight pulling on his skin and we could move him a more efficiently.
Thank God for cell phones! We were a ways out from my house but only a couple hundred yards from a road. I called Kerri to grab us from the street and we headed down a reasonable path to meet her. We were pretty lucky that it happened where it happened because if we were much deeper (as was our plan) Joe or I would have been pulling the needles out there in the hills.
By the time we got home Kevin was in much better shape. We did some bargaining for how often and how many needles we would pull. Kerri pulled the first group and after a while I worked out with him that I’d yank 2 every 3 or 5 minutes. I wish I had a microscope to see what the ends looked like because they were so hard to get out. To the naked eye they didn’t look barbed but they must have been. And some of them were really deep. All told there were 15 left by the time we got home. Some of them were 2mm+ sunk into his shin area. This is when I still worked in healthcare and had access to lidocaine. 🙂
Kevin was a tough kid given what had to be done. It still shocks me how resilient they are; Within 5 minutes of having the last needle out he was romping with his cousins.
I have to admit, when I first saw the big piece of cactus hanging off his leg my first inclination was to pull out my phone and take a picture. But what are you going to do when a 7 year old is crying from pain? At my age I know that 20 extra seconds wouldn’t change anything. But as a parent, looking at a young child in pain, you really feel the need to let them know that you’re doing whatever it takes to make the pain stop. No pictures for you, sorry.
Kevin gets a “Tough Man” award when he comes over next… this assumes he willfully heads this direction any time in the future.